left behind

ive been trying to formulate a breathtaking blog for quite some time now, but truth is nothing shakespearian has come to mind. a little over a month ago, bored in class like usual i drew a countdown on my calendar toward graduation. opening it yesterday during an exam study session, i saw that i was down to day ten. getting so caught up in redirecting bills, reorganizing boxes, redistributing business and remembering a semesters worth of school work ... i forgot about being in the moment.

in ten days, my life as i know it changes. there will be no more flights of harrelson hall. the preachers in the brickyard soon fade away. my home away from home soon becomes someone elses home. late night visits with friends soon will require logistics and planning. pizza at three am will be denied easy access.

in ten days, my class ring will be flipped. holding up the wolfpack sign will be a memory, yet having a new meaning attached. wearing red no longer entitles me to free food. the student section at games are no longer valid. grades no longer matter. gpas fade into the wind.

in ten days, the next time i appear in the two greatest coliseums in the world will not be to cheer on my team -- but to be recognized as a member of the pack.

i cant explain the feelings attached with graduation, with leaving behind four years of fabulous friends and saying goodbye to the only life you have ever known to begin a new one. as i sit here writing this, i am reminded of writing the senior story for my high school yearbook. without a clue what to write, i pondered the four years at central and walked the entire school through the evolution of a student on their way to becoming an alumni. its funny to think that back then, i thought high school was the end of life as i knew it -- i thought that the change would be something unbearable.

and now, four years later and four years older, that feeling is back stronger than ever.

in ten days, i move on and leave behind seventeen years of education to set up home in a land far away. raleigh becomes the city of the past, the city where i learned who i was and became what i am. children i watched grow up without me being there to watch. friends stay behind to start careers, finish school and continue their evolution.

in ten days, ill acquire a new address. ill gain a roommate. ill be reunited with my family. ill be closer to my relationship. ill become paid for my work. ill become the new face for two precious children. ill reestablish my relationship with my church. ill attend baseball games of lifelong friends. ill buy a new car. ill learn new shortcuts in the city. ill start a new chapter.

but ...

today, ill call a friend for lunch. ill stop by a familiar desk where two friends will be working just to waste time and gossip. ill pour myself a drink after a long day. ill attend a study session in the infamous harrelson hall one last time. ill walk the brickyard and see the spot where gary calls women whores and boys easy access. ill see students wearing red on the way to get pizza on hillsbourough street. ill drive by the house of my freshmen family and smile just knowing they are right down the road. ill kick my shoes off at the door and lay on the couch of my quiet, cozy apartment. ill wait on phonecalls to catch up with friends, family and loves far away. ill stare at the empty boxes in my living room and say 'maybe tomorow.' ill plan the weekend. ill sit on my porch and play with the neighbors and their puppy. ill fight with my mailbox as i desperately try to get mail out. ill drive my faithful paintless explorer around, windows down as if its a brand new range rover. ill sit in winston hall as i conversate with friends, students and teachers. ill purchase a cap and gown. ill sell back boooks and buy something irrelevant with the money. ill procrastinate studying to run errands with a friend. ill walk around cary crossroads just because i can. ill smile when i see the wolfpack sign. ill be worried about grades. ill be frantic over my gpa. ill drive past the rbc center and think of the best games in the world that happen there. ill walk past reynolds and be reminded of the great basketball that occured within its walls. ill put my ring on facing me.

today, ill be in the moment.