i meant to write this two days ago, on the official two year anniversary of the "working on life" blog (complete with a new title, for a new year). i remember when i first started this thing - may 27, 2005 - i was completely unaware if i would ever figure out how to work it, if i would ever continue to write through it and if people would ever even begin to think about reading it. two years later, i have learned how to update my template by adding pictures, i have created over forty life-changing posts and i have a strong fan club that i still write for today.
so to honor my fans, i thought i would take this time to recap and review my top ten moments (and ergo, life lessons) i have learned in two very short years.
number one. the quickest and best way to gain a beautiful, brozen summer-long tan is to be a life guard. ever since i became a nanny, long gone are my days of "what race are you?"
number two. hands-down, without-a-doubt, college is the best time of your life. i cannot believe that it has only been one year since i graduated, but everytime i attend a graduation or talk to a friend from state, i miss home.
number three. you either love children or you dont. and while there are days i want to hurl mine (or my own head) against the wall, i would die for them. they are the most time-consuming, patience-testing and control-driven babies in the world, but they hold a sacred place in my heart.
number four. what you think you will become, may not always be your destiny. for years i said i would go to school, graduate, move to new york and own my own magazine. to date, i have a degree in media communications and journalism, i have turned down an internship in the heart of new york city and became a nanny. while i still have a passion to write, i have learned that my passion is not always my money maker.
number five. love doesnt see color. this has to be one of the biggest lessons i have learned this year, developing a serious and committed relationship with a black man all the while raising children of vietnamese and greek descent. when the four of us walked around in public, people often times looked at us, yet to us -- we were beautiful. and though i was supposed to be celebrating my second anniversary with my handsome boyfriend this july, somewhere along the way, we started to misunderstand one another's needs. now he is off doing his own thing, while i am stuck living my rountine without him. i cant help to think about him and i cannot help but to love him. sometimes i wonder if i would ever find someone else to love, and other times i feel guilty for ever considering the possibility of looking. what makes this colorblind-halted love even more difficult is the strong belief that we are made for each other. to want a love to last and work out, we felt we needed time apart to further ourselves and strengthen our being. yet, out of all the lessons, this one is the hardest. with great respect, admiration, love and support -- i am still learning to let go of the love i knew in hopes of a greater love unknown. to me, he was never anything less that perfect. it was a difficult road getting me to that place -- where i said "it doesnt matter what color he is, how old he is, how tall, smart or rich he is. what matters is that he loves himself, he loves god and he loves me."
number six. the only way for me to lose weight is simply stated - do not eat. i am finally and forthright convinced that god has a plague on my life to maintain my size no matter my calorie intake or my calorie burn-off. despite my strenious exercising, i still manage to maintain my weight. despite my poor eating habits (of chocolate chip cookies and pizza) i still can snug into all of my clothes. therefore, should i really want to drastically change -- not eating works.
number seven. pacu's are the craziest and yet most interesting fish to own in an at-home aquarium. cousin to the pirana, tim and i purchased a quarter-sized pacu from walmart over fourteen months ago. he thought it was cool looking, i thought it was only $2.87. now, thirteen months later - i have learned that this fish not only has teeth that he uses to chomp through goldfish, minnows, broccoli, asparagus, romanine lettuce and cucumbers, but he also has grown beyond the size of my hand. i have spent hundreds on this giant, that i now know can grow up to two feet long and live for up to twenty years. though the center of attention at my house (even beyond the kittens), he is not for the average aquarium person.
number eight. kittens can be the one thing that keeps you from diving into depression when you feel like your world is coming crashing down. yes, in two years, there has been many ups and downs. whether it was adjusting to life at home, dealing with a stressful job, coping with loss love or simply refinding myself -- my adorable, sweet and ever-so-spoiled penny and maverick were there to wake me up, lay by me at night and cuddle with me by day.
number nine. money isnt everything. this lesson was one that i always knew, yet one that never hit home like it did this past year. for the first time in my entire life, i learned what it was like to pay all my bills. to purchase things in my name. to have debt. to sign without a co-signer. to live without insurance. for the first time in 22 years, i have begun to tip the iceberg on what its like not to dream for what you want one day, but to live with what you have. i have seen people with a life full of riches and wealth fall by the wayside because they couldnt contain their love of money for the love of their family. i have seen little boys expect to get something every time they enter a store because they have been conditioned to think that everything belongs to them. i have seen family members fight over finances, threatening personal happiness for the sake of a dollar in a will. i have seen relationships fall apart because once enjoyable tasks of dinning, shopping and entertaining became toxic in conversation. yes, this lesson has stung the most. for just as the bible says, you cannot serve two gods -- so i have learned that success comes not when i have a savings account or all the pairs of shoes in the world, but when i am happy with whom i am, in love with he that loves me and in the favor of god.
number ten. nothing in life lasts but your faith. through college and even some of the years leading up, i hestitated in the power of my faith. i thought sometimes it was best left unshared, other times left pushed under the rug. in college, i tested the waters of not going to church, not praying and not reading my bible - but god stood beside me the entire time. i learned that no matter where i was, i could praise god. and no matter what i went through, that god had a plan. then i moved home, and rejoined my church -- got invovled with the youth and started teaching a sunday school. i learned to love and value not only myself, but my walk with god. and i have learned that when everything else turns your back on you, when all situtations seem to be leading the wrong way and when you feel you dont have control of anything -- god is still there. he has provided for me everytime, i have some of the greatest friends in the world through him, and most importantly, i have a sense of belonging to something great.
thank you for being part of my two wonderful years. it is my prayer that i can continue to entertain, encourage, uplift and excite you for many more years to come.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
minus one
so i decided today that everyday is not my day. this morning, while trying to pry myself out of bed yet again, i ramaged through my closet half-awake to put on an outfit that i thought looked pretty decent. very lindsay style, if i may. but twenty minutes into my day, things were going as well as they always seem to.
like every morning, i can't see or figure out which lane the cars are in when i dodge out into the morning commute traffic. my five-minute fast clock only continously makes me complete subtraction in my head as i again realize that i am not on the road as early as i need to be. and even still, the ever-so-slow driving cars once again make me miss the 7:32 light. great, now i have to sit and wait an extra two minutes on my already crunched morning drive.
but without doubt, i arrive at work right on time. just like i do and have done every morning for the past year. at work, things seem to be going ok. i agree to work late for the price of free dinner. and though my attempt to not eat has seemingly been going well for quite some time, the thought of alice springs chicken or monterrey ranch fajitas make my mouth water. and with that, i realize i will always be fat.
bring on the outback.
after my gym (also known as rich mom's daycare), i take the boys to mcallisters for lunch. as i'm sitting there, i remember that the last time i was here my now ex-boyfriend called me stranded in tennessee after getting in a car wreck in his sister's car. today, i have no idea where he is, what he is driving or what he is doing. yet as i break away from my endless thoughts, somehow, carter miraculously has eaten his entire hotdog and is now asking for some of jack's meat sticks.
yes, you read that right. gerber named one of it's products -- meat sticks. and the fact that my three year old begs for them, makes me cringe. this was the first sign that today was no ordinary day. he eats all of his lunch and then begs for a food without a clear definition of what it is.
when lunch ends, i begin the makeshift mommy trick of cleaning the table, packing the bag, toting the baby on the hip while making sure the toddler remembers buzz. all the while, not forgetting the coach diaper bag, balancing the glass of water and carrying the high chair back where it goes. now, may i also remind you that during the process, i passed by two people who work here. one who didn't even so much as look at me as i edged past, the other who looked all too anxious to get out of my way.
with the high chair dropped off, i then attempted to snake past the line forming from the registers to the door. in my way one man stood, completely unaware of my yelling "carter, come here!" or of jack's screaming "aaaaahhh" as we exit. perhaps his mind had more precious places to be. once past him, i then managed to run into another moron, who this time almost knocked down the larger-than-life advertisment while cutting up with his friends. "don't mind me," i thought, when in reality i wanted to scream "grow up and get a kid."
finally i could see the light at the end of the tunnel -- a beautiful red exit sign and the baby blue sky ahead. unfortunately, standing right in front of the doors were again two more idiots, neither talking to one another or on their cell phones. now whereas i will say i was raised in a world that says -- open doors for girls -- just flat out common sense tells me -- opens doors for anyone without a hand to open it. despite my education and clearly their lack of, these two "gentlemen" neither opened the door nor moved out of my way so that i could push it open with my butt without first my asking.
once outside, i decided apparently i either looked like i was superwoman and needed no help or my super power of invisibility had finally kicked in. "ok carter, when you grow up -- always open doors for girls," i proclaimed on our trek back to the bat mobile. "and remember, if someone is trying to get a baby, a three-year-old and a glass of water to the car all in one piece, she is not necessarily invisible!"
he looked up at me and said with a smile, "ok, deal miss lindsay."
and while i have no idea where all the gentlemen have gone or where on earth the one gentlemen i used to know has joined them, one thing is for certain -- if this is what the world has to offer in the boy department, i'm staying minus one.
like every morning, i can't see or figure out which lane the cars are in when i dodge out into the morning commute traffic. my five-minute fast clock only continously makes me complete subtraction in my head as i again realize that i am not on the road as early as i need to be. and even still, the ever-so-slow driving cars once again make me miss the 7:32 light. great, now i have to sit and wait an extra two minutes on my already crunched morning drive.
but without doubt, i arrive at work right on time. just like i do and have done every morning for the past year. at work, things seem to be going ok. i agree to work late for the price of free dinner. and though my attempt to not eat has seemingly been going well for quite some time, the thought of alice springs chicken or monterrey ranch fajitas make my mouth water. and with that, i realize i will always be fat.
bring on the outback.
after my gym (also known as rich mom's daycare), i take the boys to mcallisters for lunch. as i'm sitting there, i remember that the last time i was here my now ex-boyfriend called me stranded in tennessee after getting in a car wreck in his sister's car. today, i have no idea where he is, what he is driving or what he is doing. yet as i break away from my endless thoughts, somehow, carter miraculously has eaten his entire hotdog and is now asking for some of jack's meat sticks.
yes, you read that right. gerber named one of it's products -- meat sticks. and the fact that my three year old begs for them, makes me cringe. this was the first sign that today was no ordinary day. he eats all of his lunch and then begs for a food without a clear definition of what it is.
when lunch ends, i begin the makeshift mommy trick of cleaning the table, packing the bag, toting the baby on the hip while making sure the toddler remembers buzz. all the while, not forgetting the coach diaper bag, balancing the glass of water and carrying the high chair back where it goes. now, may i also remind you that during the process, i passed by two people who work here. one who didn't even so much as look at me as i edged past, the other who looked all too anxious to get out of my way.
with the high chair dropped off, i then attempted to snake past the line forming from the registers to the door. in my way one man stood, completely unaware of my yelling "carter, come here!" or of jack's screaming "aaaaahhh" as we exit. perhaps his mind had more precious places to be. once past him, i then managed to run into another moron, who this time almost knocked down the larger-than-life advertisment while cutting up with his friends. "don't mind me," i thought, when in reality i wanted to scream "grow up and get a kid."
finally i could see the light at the end of the tunnel -- a beautiful red exit sign and the baby blue sky ahead. unfortunately, standing right in front of the doors were again two more idiots, neither talking to one another or on their cell phones. now whereas i will say i was raised in a world that says -- open doors for girls -- just flat out common sense tells me -- opens doors for anyone without a hand to open it. despite my education and clearly their lack of, these two "gentlemen" neither opened the door nor moved out of my way so that i could push it open with my butt without first my asking.
once outside, i decided apparently i either looked like i was superwoman and needed no help or my super power of invisibility had finally kicked in. "ok carter, when you grow up -- always open doors for girls," i proclaimed on our trek back to the bat mobile. "and remember, if someone is trying to get a baby, a three-year-old and a glass of water to the car all in one piece, she is not necessarily invisible!"
he looked up at me and said with a smile, "ok, deal miss lindsay."
and while i have no idea where all the gentlemen have gone or where on earth the one gentlemen i used to know has joined them, one thing is for certain -- if this is what the world has to offer in the boy department, i'm staying minus one.
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