twice as nice

i meant to write this two days ago, on the official two year anniversary of the "working on life" blog (complete with a new title, for a new year). i remember when i first started this thing - may 27, 2005 - i was completely unaware if i would ever figure out how to work it, if i would ever continue to write through it and if people would ever even begin to think about reading it. two years later, i have learned how to update my template by adding pictures, i have created over forty life-changing posts and i have a strong fan club that i still write for today.

so to honor my fans, i thought i would take this time to recap and review my top ten moments (and ergo, life lessons) i have learned in two very short years.

number one. the quickest and best way to gain a beautiful, brozen summer-long tan is to be a life guard. ever since i became a nanny, long gone are my days of "what race are you?"

number two. hands-down, without-a-doubt, college is the best time of your life. i cannot believe that it has only been one year since i graduated, but everytime i attend a graduation or talk to a friend from state, i miss home.

number three. you either love children or you dont. and while there are days i want to hurl mine (or my own head) against the wall, i would die for them. they are the most time-consuming, patience-testing and control-driven babies in the world, but they hold a sacred place in my heart.

number four. what you think you will become, may not always be your destiny. for years i said i would go to school, graduate, move to new york and own my own magazine. to date, i have a degree in media communications and journalism, i have turned down an internship in the heart of new york city and became a nanny. while i still have a passion to write, i have learned that my passion is not always my money maker.

number five. love doesnt see color. this has to be one of the biggest lessons i have learned this year, developing a serious and committed relationship with a black man all the while raising children of vietnamese and greek descent. when the four of us walked around in public, people often times looked at us, yet to us -- we were beautiful. and though i was supposed to be celebrating my second anniversary with my handsome boyfriend this july, somewhere along the way, we started to misunderstand one another's needs. now he is off doing his own thing, while i am stuck living my rountine without him. i cant help to think about him and i cannot help but to love him. sometimes i wonder if i would ever find someone else to love, and other times i feel guilty for ever considering the possibility of looking. what makes this colorblind-halted love even more difficult is the strong belief that we are made for each other. to want a love to last and work out, we felt we needed time apart to further ourselves and strengthen our being. yet, out of all the lessons, this one is the hardest. with great respect, admiration, love and support -- i am still learning to let go of the love i knew in hopes of a greater love unknown. to me, he was never anything less that perfect. it was a difficult road getting me to that place -- where i said "it doesnt matter what color he is, how old he is, how tall, smart or rich he is. what matters is that he loves himself, he loves god and he loves me."

number six. the only way for me to lose weight is simply stated - do not eat. i am finally and forthright convinced that god has a plague on my life to maintain my size no matter my calorie intake or my calorie burn-off. despite my strenious exercising, i still manage to maintain my weight. despite my poor eating habits (of chocolate chip cookies and pizza) i still can snug into all of my clothes. therefore, should i really want to drastically change -- not eating works.

number seven. pacu's are the craziest and yet most interesting fish to own in an at-home aquarium. cousin to the pirana, tim and i purchased a quarter-sized pacu from walmart over fourteen months ago. he thought it was cool looking, i thought it was only $2.87. now, thirteen months later - i have learned that this fish not only has teeth that he uses to chomp through goldfish, minnows, broccoli, asparagus, romanine lettuce and cucumbers, but he also has grown beyond the size of my hand. i have spent hundreds on this giant, that i now know can grow up to two feet long and live for up to twenty years. though the center of attention at my house (even beyond the kittens), he is not for the average aquarium person.

number eight. kittens can be the one thing that keeps you from diving into depression when you feel like your world is coming crashing down. yes, in two years, there has been many ups and downs. whether it was adjusting to life at home, dealing with a stressful job, coping with loss love or simply refinding myself -- my adorable, sweet and ever-so-spoiled penny and maverick were there to wake me up, lay by me at night and cuddle with me by day.

number nine. money isnt everything. this lesson was one that i always knew, yet one that never hit home like it did this past year. for the first time in my entire life, i learned what it was like to pay all my bills. to purchase things in my name. to have debt. to sign without a co-signer. to live without insurance. for the first time in 22 years, i have begun to tip the iceberg on what its like not to dream for what you want one day, but to live with what you have. i have seen people with a life full of riches and wealth fall by the wayside because they couldnt contain their love of money for the love of their family. i have seen little boys expect to get something every time they enter a store because they have been conditioned to think that everything belongs to them. i have seen family members fight over finances, threatening personal happiness for the sake of a dollar in a will. i have seen relationships fall apart because once enjoyable tasks of dinning, shopping and entertaining became toxic in conversation. yes, this lesson has stung the most. for just as the bible says, you cannot serve two gods -- so i have learned that success comes not when i have a savings account or all the pairs of shoes in the world, but when i am happy with whom i am, in love with he that loves me and in the favor of god.

number ten. nothing in life lasts but your faith. through college and even some of the years leading up, i hestitated in the power of my faith. i thought sometimes it was best left unshared, other times left pushed under the rug. in college, i tested the waters of not going to church, not praying and not reading my bible - but god stood beside me the entire time. i learned that no matter where i was, i could praise god. and no matter what i went through, that god had a plan. then i moved home, and rejoined my church -- got invovled with the youth and started teaching a sunday school. i learned to love and value not only myself, but my walk with god. and i have learned that when everything else turns your back on you, when all situtations seem to be leading the wrong way and when you feel you dont have control of anything -- god is still there. he has provided for me everytime, i have some of the greatest friends in the world through him, and most importantly, i have a sense of belonging to something great.

thank you for being part of my two wonderful years. it is my prayer that i can continue to entertain, encourage, uplift and excite you for many more years to come.